Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?
Children are much more likely to cooperate with adults who like being with them and who let them know they are worthwhile. This builds a level of trust and a feeling of safety. Within that environment, they are more likely to respond by being helpful and pleasant.
Relationships are created step by step. Sometimes the smallest things - a word of encouragement or small act of appreciation - can tilt the balance and create a whole new energy in a relationship.
We all need to feel accepted and approved of.
If your children walk into the room and you look up and smile, glad to see them, they will receive the message:
"I am worthwhile."
"I am welcome and appreciated."
That unspoken message creates an atmosphere in your home that feels safe and inviting.
So start looking for things you appreciate about your child.
We humans tend to notice the things we focus on.
Let me give you an example. I never paid much attention to cars and trucks. If the one I had got me where I wanted to go, I was happy, so I didn't notice what other people were driving.
A few years ago, I bought a Saturn sedan - turquoise. Very pretty, I thought. For the next several weeks, everywhere I went, I saw Saturns. And lots of them were turquoise. I hadn't noticed before, because I wasn't thinking about Saturns. But all of a sudden, there they were. Everywhere.
What changed?
My FOCUS.
My ATTENTION.
After buying a Saturn, I was thinking about Saturns, so I noticed the ones around me. It's human nature. We notice what we look for.
Look for the things you want to see in your child.
Do you want him:
- to be smart?
- to take responsibility?
- to be capable?
- to be lovable?
Then look for those things in him.
If you look for things he is doing wrong, you will find them.
If you look for things he is doing right, you will find those as well.
If you look for things you can praise, they are there, but you have to notice.
Just as the Saturns were all around me, I didn't see them until I was focused on them. The same is true of people.
Your children are doing things now that would please you, if you took the time to notice. And they are waiting to be acknowledged.
Stay in your heart.
When you are not in your heart, you are likely to be judging, condemning, looking for things that are wrong. And remember: whatever you look for, you will find.
So why not deliberately think about things that you feel good about? They are there, waiting for you to notice.
Make a list of the things you most enjoy or admire in your child.
- Think of qualities she has such as a sense of humor, a tender heart or determination.
- Think about abilities he has, such as artistic, musical or athletic.
- Think about good times you have had together - memories that make you smile and feel your heart connection with your child.
Write them down.
Then, take time to sit quietly and think about those things.
Read over your list. Stay with it until the love wells up within you. When you get the FEELING of love, sit with it for a few minutes. Savor it?without an expectation that it will be reciprocated. At this point, this is all about YOU - your thoughts, feelings, actions.
Then take that feeling of love with you every time you interact with your child.
You may start to see results right away - changes in your child. If so, that's great. If not, give it time.
This process is about transforming something in yourself, rather than trying to change anything in your child.
Now, as you go through your day, not just today, but every day, look for things to appreciate in your child.
Then let her know.
Tell him you love him.
Tell her what you appreciate about her, be sure that it is totally sincere.
Do not let any day go by without acknowledging your child at least once. More is even better, (but don't over do it, or it may seem phony).
Appreciation is very powerful.
Whenever you bring feelings of appreciation, rather than judgment, you are in a powerful position to invite your child to join you.
As you begin to notice the positives and express your appreciation, your child will respond, but do not expect or require a change in his behavior. That will happen naturally, in its own time. This is not about him - it's about YOU.
As you are falling asleep tonight: be sure you are in your heart.
Use pictures, memories or thoughts about your child that invite the feeling of appreciation. Perhaps it will be a memory from today.
Fall asleep considering the things you appreciate about your child, and allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of love that wells up within you.
Then surely, you will have sweet dreams, knowing you just created a tomorrow filled with love.
Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."
For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.
This article is copyright protected.
PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.
Contact Us Today For Ad Information... Ebooks, Scripts,
Websites, and more... Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More It was at that time when our marriage was falling... Read More It has been a long day. Home from work, you... Read More Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we... Read More A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More With the beginning of the new school year coming VERY... Read More Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More "Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Cheap Domain Names
Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1
7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money
Parenting Your Teenager: 8 Things You Need to Be Doing
Financially Stable Kids ? Prepared for College
Marriages May End But Families Are Forever
Dinner Table Drama
Do You Have the Loving Relationship With Your Children That You Desire?
Parenting Problem? 5 Simple Things That Will Help
Create a Story Book with Your Child
Teenagers and Trouble - How Parents Can Keep their Teens Out of Trouble
Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child
How To Teach Your Children Courage
How to Prepare for Labor
Potty Training ?To Train or Not to Train?
Finding Answers to Underachievement
Top 5 Characteristics of Good Leadership to Instill in Our Home School Children
Achieve Success At School - Parents, Help Your Kids Easily Be Top, Honor-Roll Students!
How A Home Water Filter Can Reduce Your Child?s Risk Of Learning Disabilities
Advocating for Your Child with LD
How to Take Charge of the TV
A New Dad To Be? Deer in the headlights?
Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood
The Disadvantages of Home Schooling
My Teenaged Parents
Parenting Your Teenager: 3 More Dangerous Myths
Contact Us Today For Ad Information... A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More It's among the top criticism wives have of their husbands:... Read More Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
Affordable and Reliable Web
Hosting Starting
Your Kids Career - Whose Choice?
What is Prenatal Intelligence?
Ultimate Airplane Themed Games & Activities for your Childs Birthday Party
Raising Boys
Are Public Schools A Menace To Your Kids? -- 11 Danger Signals
Motivation - The Key to Your Childs Educational Success
Treatment Options for ADHD
The Hardest Job I Ever Had
Toilet Terrors And Other Potty Training Fears
The Mystery of Picky Eaters
Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Effective Discipline and Consequences
Tips for the Classroom Teachers with ADHD Students
Teaching Preschool Color and Shapes with Family Games
Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen
Busy Moms, Dont Forget to Take Time Out for You!
Refresher Course on Diapering for Dads
Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? How Character Building Charts Keep You Sane
Remember The Generation Gap?
Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids
Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood
You Want Whaaat???
Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)
Finding A Caregiver You Can Trust
How to Take Charge of the TV
Guerilla Parenting Techniques: What Are They?
Parenting |