Boundaries - Why Theyre Needed

Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life, has no
self-control, and lacks respect for others. If these were the qualities of
your son, how would you feel for his future wives?

Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundaries
for our children ­ their future. One study showed that children born
recently on average will have more spouses than kids. Here are a few
examples of children who lack boundaries:

1. Little Johnny walks right into his parent's bedroom whenever he wants.
It does not matter if the door was open or closed.
2. Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television.
It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.
3. Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be her
teacher's fault, brother's fault, or a friend's fault when something does
not go right.
4. Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressures
her for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would want
to date her.

Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, and
life. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries.
Here are a few results that can occur:
1. Children can have controlling behavior
2. Children can be motivated by guilt or anger.
3. Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peer
group. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.
4. Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead to
a life of turmoil.
5. Children may allow others to think for them.
6. They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be.
This denies their maximum potential.
7. When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other's feelings.
8. Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another person
begins.

What is a parent to do? Many times we hinder our children from developing
boundaries. Realize we must teach our children boundaries; they are not
born with them. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries.

1. Recognize and respect the child's boundaries. For example, knock on
their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.
2. Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them.
3. Avoid controlling the child.
4. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills.
5. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do it
without anger, and use as few words as possible.
6. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good.
7. It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, or
nervous, that's okay, do it any ways.

Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for our
children.
1. Recognize your physical boundaries.
2. You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorly
prepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke away
from your space, and ask that loud music be turned down.
3. Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children their
opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think for
themselves.
4. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make.
5. Lets own what we do and what we don't do. Take responsibility for when
things go wrong.
6. Accept your thoughts, it is who you are.
7. Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.

Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. This is the first
guideline we teach in our workshops. Other benefits include:
1. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.
2. Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship.
3. Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.
4. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We
also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves.
5. Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.

Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedom. Boundaries lead to winning relationships for both
parties. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with a mature character. Simply put, boundaries simplify life.

Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
info@randelconsulting.com

In The News:

Powered by Feedzilla



Contact Us Today For Ad Information...

Ebooks, Scripts, Websites, and more...

Cheap Domain Names

Safe From Strangers

There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, Part Five

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

Top 10 Ways to Motivate Your Student

As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal... Read More

Fizzy Sherbet ? A Sweet Science Lesson for Your Kids!

Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More

Spending Time With Your Child

Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More

When Everybody Does It Comes Back to Haunt You

Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More

Bring On The Music To Help Your Child Learn Faster And More Effectively

Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I... Read More

Its a Sick World

It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More

Is Your Child Having Trouble in School?

Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Are Sleep Overs with the Opposite Sex OK?

Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More

Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1

Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More

7 Ways to Know Your Child

How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More

15 New Years and Holiday Resolutions For Parents

Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More

The Mystery of Child Beliefs, Spirit in Children, Understanding Spirtuality in Children

In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a... Read More

Relate With Your Teen And Gain Their Trust

We were all teens at one time for some many... Read More

Now, They?re Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More

Your Child?s Self-Esteem is in The Cards

Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More

Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More

Finding Out Your Child Has a Disability: Its Not the end of the World

Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More

Gaining a Child?s Trust

My daughters and I went to the beach several weeks... Read More

Play the Ball, Not the Man!

As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More

Reclaiming Her Identity: A Mothers Diary

After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More

Educational Toys And Childrens Books - A Must For Optimal Childhood Development

The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the... Read More

7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money

Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More

Why Wont My Teens Clean Their Room?

Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did... Read More